My Secret To Staying Calm And Focussed When Life Gets In The Way

No matter how much you plan and control your life, there are times when bad things happen.  But you can’t go and hide under a rock, you need to be able to deal with whatever is thrown at you calmly and clearly, without letting your emotions get the better of you. 

In this episode, I’m sharing how I avoid staying too long in fear and worry and move into problem-solving as quickly as possible.  

If you want to be ready to face challenges without letting fear win, then hit play because we really get into it

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Transcript

[00:00:00] No matter how much you plan and control your life, let's face it, there are times when bad things happen. There are also times when you make the wrong decisions and it can lead to potential problems in the future. None of us are infallible. But you can't go and hide under a rock, unfortunately. You need to be able to deal with whatever is thrown at you calmly and clearly, without letting your emotions get the better of you.

In this episode, I'm sharing how I avoid staying too long in fear and worry, and move into problem solving, or preparing for whatever is coming, as quickly as possible. If you want to be ready to face challenges without letting fear win, then keep listening, because we're about to get into it. Hi, I'm Nicola O'Hara, and not so long ago, I navigated my way out of a successful corporate career to launch my dream business and haven't looked back.

Now, I live a life of freedom and work where, when, how, and with whom I choose. I created this podcast to teach [00:01:00] you the strategies I learned and share the knowledge and tools I needed during my escape journey. So you can make your move out of your day job faster, smarter, and with greater ease. Think of me as your mentor, teacher, guide, and cheerleader.

Through the highs and lows of the employed entrepreneur rollercoaster, if you're an aspiring entrepreneur feeling trapped, unappreciated, and unfulfilled in your job, and longing to break free to build a business and life you're passionate about, you're in the right place. This is the Powering Your Passion podcast.

Well, hello and welcome to this episode. Now, I don't want to be a Debbie Downer, but sometimes life happens. Things go wrong, no matter how much we plan to make our lives better, or just to keep things going. Every so often, a curveball is thrown our way, and you have to deal with it, often while you're juggling a huge number of other things.

So this time I want to talk about a [00:02:00] technique that I've been using for a few years that's my go to method to keep me grounded when I'm worried about something. Or I have something difficult pop up unexpectedly in my life. Now, in general, I'm an optimistic person and tend to look at the glass being half full rather than half empty.

Also, when things are difficult, my default is to focus on solving the problem and moving forward rather than mulling over it. But sometimes the situation is out of my control. Which is something I hate because I am a bit of a control freak. Or is something that can't be solved straight away and so I can get stuck in a worry cycle.

And that is when I use this technique to keep me calm and focused and to relieve the symptoms of the stress I'm feeling. Now from my experience, situations that cause stress, panic or emotional pain happen in one of two ways. The first is the bolt from the blue. 

You know when you hear or read about something bad that you're not expecting, like a huge tax bill you weren't aware [00:03:00] of or can't pay. A serious health diagnosis that's a shock, or a sudden announcement of redundancy you didn't see coming. And the reaction of your body and mind is instant too. Blood whooshes in your ears, a wave of cold shoots down your body.

You start sweating, your muscles tense and quiver, and your heart feels like it's beating a million times a minute. Your brain freezes as you take in whatever you've heard or seen, rejecting it as not true, and then trying to calculate all the potential repercussions at lightning speed. It's sudden. It's like an out of body experience.

 When you're in this state, it's either impossible to make decisions or move forward, or you make hasty, often bad decisions. The second way is the slow burn. When you hear, read, or know about something that might happen, that could go wrong.

You build it up in your mind so much that your brain actually thinks it will happen. And it's already reacting to it like it has. Your stress levels rise and you can't sleep.[00:04:00] And you can't stop thinking about it. It can even lead to regular moments of increased panic, where every so often worry intensifies and brings on the same symptoms as the bolt from the blue.

In both situations, You know you need to deal with it in some way, but you're paralysed by fear or worry, or you make rash decisions that you later regret, like sending an angry email. Now what's actually happening is that when your brain senses danger, the oldest part of your brain, the amygdala, goes into fight or flight mode.

This natural automatic response is designed to protect us. It overrides thinking processes of the frontal lobes of your brain so you can run to safety or fight for survival if you're about to be attacked by something. It pumps the body with the hormones, adrenaline and cortisol to get it ready for action.

 But that then causes the symptoms I mentioned earlier. Now thankfully, it's not often if ever we're actually physically attacked, but the [00:05:00] amygdala can't tell the difference between that kind of threat And the pressures and stress of modern life, work and relationships.

So you need something that will quickly stop the amygdala taking over. And allow your more rational thinking processes in your frontal lobes of your brain to work. Then you'll be able to deal with whatever it has that's come up. And the technique I use is really simple but effective to pull you back from panic, fear and stress and into calm and focus.

 What is it? It's to take comfort in that very moment. I'm going to go into it a bit more and tell you how to use this technique later on. First, let me share where it comes from and the psychological foundations it's based in.

I first heard about it when I read the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He's a celebrated spiritual teacher and author whose central teaching focuses on the concept of living in the present moment, also referred to as 'presence' or 'now.' This philosophy is [00:06:00] deeply rooted in Eastern spiritual traditions, although it isn't linked to any one religion or cultural system or belief.

In The Power of Now, he suggests that most human suffering is caused by being trapped in your thoughts about the past or the future, rather than focusing on the immediate present. He says that our minds tend to perpetually cycle through regrets about the past and anxieties about the future, preventing us from fully experiencing and enjoying the present moment. Tolle calls this state of constant mental noise "the egoic mind", and he views it as a main source of unnecessary mental pain and distress.

He says that the power of the present moment lies in its ability to bring about a profound inner peace and a sense of well being. By focusing your consciousness on the present, you're able to attain a state of stillness and presence that can help you get rid of thoughts of the past and the future. [00:07:00] The past is gone and the future has not happened yet.

You are safe and you have time to influence the future. Although his teachings are profound and more spiritual, they can be practically applied in daily life, particularly during challenging situations that might provoke you to react with panic and worry.

So here is the three step technique I use in these situations. First, pause and breathe. Take a moment to pause and breathe deeply. This momentary pause creates a space for your thinking brain to take back control, allowing you to respond instead of reacting impulsively.

As you breathe in and out, focus on the sensation of your breath filling your lungs and leaving your body. This helps ground you in the present moment. Next, take comfort in the moment. Observe your thoughts and emotions without judgment. In a difficult situation, you might find your mind racing with fear based thoughts or anticipating the worst outcomes.

Instead of [00:08:00] identifying these thoughts or trying to suppress them, Just observe them as if you're an impartial bystander. This will also help you to create a gap between the thinking mind and your automatic response. This is also where I remind myself that, in that moment, all is well. Whatever that might happen in the future, at that moment, it hasn't happened yet. I am safe, secure. And I have the ability to change things if I want to. 

Next is acceptance. Accept the reality of the present moment. This doesn't mean that you agree with what's happening or that you give up on it. It means you are acknowledging the situation exactly as it is without mentally arguing with it.

When you resist what's happening, you create conflict within yourself, which leads to stress and anxiety. By accepting this as the reality that whatever your life or situation was in the past This is now what you need to deal with.

And so you're in a better position to respond effectively and with clarity. Now this all can just take a few minutes, but [00:09:00] for me I found it takes away the immediate fears and allows me to feel calm, focused and present in what I need to do. Or if there's nothing I can do, it helps me go from denial to acceptance more quickly, so I can start to prepare for what's coming.

 Now remember, the goal is never to avoid panic or worry. These are natural human reactions. Instead, it's about learning to respond to these feelings in a way that serves you, your well being and aligns with the reality of the present moment.

Now, I know you might be thinking, yes, but sometimes you don't have time, you just need to deal with it. And that's true in some cases where there's an immediate danger, like a child running into the road. Or some other immediate danger. But in everything else, there is usually room for a couple of minutes just to ground yourself and stop your amygdala taking over.

 The bottom line is, this technique will not solve your problems for you, but it will put you in the best mindset. and the position possible to deal with whatever life has decided to deal you. I hope you don't need to use it too often, but the next [00:10:00] time you find yourself starting to panic about something, stop, breathe, remind yourself you're okay in that moment and accept the situation as it is. You'll be amazed how calm you feel and ready to take action to deal with it.

 That's it for this time. If you enjoyed this episode, then please take a moment to share it with whoever you think it might be useful for. You'll find the link to share it in the episode description along with a link to the show notes.

Remember, you deserve to live your passion, so go for it. This is your time. 

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